Meaningless rantings of a cabin fevered Mom.

I never wanted to run,  I never liked to run,  I never felt a need to run Some of my worst night sweats are induced by dreams of not reaching a goal, or getting out of a situation, or not being able to save someone, due to an inability to run. Running has never been important, or noteworthy, or even contemplated. I actually wanted to run from the very idea of it (puny i know) Now, I love to run, I itch to run, I ache from not running I crave the rush, the sore feet, and the flushed face. I crave the quiet, of the crisp air passing by my headphones. The rhythmic clap of my sneakers on the pavement while Bono and Adam Levine Sing me to the next mile. Sometimes i wonder when the change happened. How is it possible that this is now my go-to stress relief? How in the world did we get to a point where I, Sara Doenges, choose a run over a date with Jillian Michaels' Shred video?  I figured it out. When I was young, living in Rural New England, my sport...

         Once in a while, a child is conceived who is so frail, and innocent, and heavenly perfect, God cannot let it be exposed to the evil of this world.         It is in these precious, tiny miracles that we see glimpses of heaven. It is in these dark, soul searching times of grief, that we taste God's mercy. In the veil of tears, as we ask the "why", we know, this child will be loved, sitting atop the very lap of God. Our questions turn from, "Why this pain?" to, "Why does He love us so much that He would give us this glimpse of Heaven?" "Why does He even care about my soul?"       He is the giver, He is the time keeper, He is the great Physician.      With these facts in place, we can gaze into the still face of this child, whom we wanted so badly, we weep, and we can say.. "Thank you for this moment" (SED)  ***This was written from a real place of pain, from a moment in ...

Last night, as i laid in bed, I looked up into the sky, and saw a single twinkling star. I immediately thought of Peter Pan, probably because I'm still reeling from the death of one of my favorite actors, but honestly, every time I stop long enough to actually LOOK at a star, the first thing i think is, "second star to the right.." in his voice. I am sad, so terribly sad that he is gone, his genius, his light, his honesty. I will work hard to be sure my kids see his work, and hear his messages in his movies. I want my kids to be able to laugh at themselves, Robin Williams taught me how to do that, I hope I can teach them as well. The part that makes me the saddest, is that he was in pain. This disease he battled, of depression, it is an evil bitch. It chews up it's victims, and it is so very hard to get out unscathed. Two comments on Facebook made me think long and hard, and I just wanted to say some words, from my own experience. The first was, "Why do the ...

Sorry if that offends you, you should probably leave now then.  I'm tired, tired of "mom battles" of grown up high schoolers , of cliques, of ignorance. It exhausts me. None of it has a place in a well balanced, meaningful, grown up life.  I am not saying I'm old. I'm the youngest nearly 40 yr old person I know. But I'm an adult, I have real shit to deal with, I am terribly sorry if my schedule doesn't give you time to add chaos and more crazy to my life.  Seriously. Yes, I am being slightly obtuse, but blatant at the same time. I'm me, I was taught by a southern gentleman to be polite but for the love of all that is right, DO NOT be a door mat to other peoples stupidity.  So anyway. I deal with this waaaaay too often now that I live in suburbia, and have relationships with sports parents and school people and it's exhausting.  I said all that to say,  Dude. I'm exhausted. 

Can we just talk about Valentines? Seriously, UGH! The whole process looses it's charm when they are so stinkin expensive, and you can't make them for much cheaper, even if you kids were ok with being the ONE kid in the classroom with no pop character or candy, or tattoo, or sticker on theirs. You have to have one card for each kid in class, because we live in the age of, 'life isn't fair so we will bend over backwards to make sure you never know that until it's too late", and to be sure you don't miss anyone, you get a class list sent home to you at the beginning of the month. THANK YOU teachers! They obviously know their students, and that poor mom CANNOT rely on the child's memory to get every name in the room, and spelling, well, these days, that's a whole other post. Ok, buying, now we know how many, lets shop! I shop alone, no kids, my son is now 10, in 3rd grade, and thats how long it took me to get that part right. Yes, the idea of let...