Tuesday, February 03, 2015
I used to deny it, (sometimes I still do) I used to feel bad about it, (sometimes I still do), but you know what? Deep down, the real me, the rational me, says, 'Yup, thats me, and that's ok!"
You want to know why? I am an introvert, through and through. I have anxiety and battle depression. It's part of who I am and knit into me, and I will be dealing with it my entire life. The Deal here is, find ways to live a meaningful life around all that. This is where my phone comes into play.
I am not ant-social, I love hanging with my BFFs as much as the next guy, but I don't have that many really, I don't have a need to gather a whole gaggle of besties to surround me at all times, I like to have a few solids, that I can go to, no matter what, and they have my back, they know me through and through, and i know them and it's safe. The problem with that, is when those people move, I am left with holes, yes, I get my alone time, but even an old tortoise like me CAN get TOO MUCH alone time, i start to miss people, and that sucks!
My phone, it is my friend portal. I am SO much of a better friend because of it! ( I hear you, 'dang if this is her being SO MUCH better, heaven help us if she ever looses it!')
I know, I'm bad at staying connected, I used to have pen pals when I was young, and had time, and stationary, and lots of nonsense to write, these days, who ever sends cards?! Staying connected to my friends online is a seriously a life saver to me. I know, that some of my closest gal pals have the same struggles as me, running, or kids, or family stuff, or even just the introvert-ness. I can help them, as they are helping me. I talk to my friends every day, we laugh, and smile, and vent at each other, plan visits, celebrate our kids' milestones, groan over mom blues and struggles, consult on clothing choices, and home decor, and share our coffee selfies with no judgment. It's a good thing!
I peruse facebook regularly, and you know what it does for me? It keeps me updated on my family, i see my nieces and nephews grow before my eyes. I see my football girlfriends,
(I apologize to you all right now for NOT staying in touch, but i am keeping up on your lives!!! Love you girls!! )
Which make me laugh sometimes, because we all live so close, and our kids are all in school together, but if not for our online connection, i would NEVER see these girls, or know how their lives are going, and I really do care, I really do enjoy staying connected, it is REALLY important to me!
So you see, I am attached to my phone, for very good reasons, (and games, but c'mon, we gotta have a weakness)
Staying connected online for someone like me, with high anxiety, is safe. I know this can go either way, but for me, it's good. Like I said, I'm not anti-social, i just get anxious, i get a lot of internal dialogue when i go into social settings, it can be crippling sometimes, it hinders my ability to be easy going. When i am chatting with friends online, that is all gone, I don't worry about what i'm wearing or how I look, or why i laughed that way, or why my eyes keep going cross-eyed, I don't look at the other persons outfit and think, 'man she is put together, i wish i had her style' or 'i wonder if I only feel like a schlump, or if i really look like one, cuz dang this chic is always so classy'.
(yes, i have stylish, classy friends, and no, i don't think they are judging me, lol, i judge myself enough for the whole world, it's an inner dialogue I can't mute.)
Talking online, it eliminates all of that, and I can concentrate on what is being said, how they are feeling, and what the real stuff is. It also keeps us so close, that when we are together, it just feels like another day, like we have been with each this whole time, and it's just comfortable, always.
It's a tool, a darn good one, and I am glad for it. I have become a better friend, I actually send random cards now, and my birthday cards are getting closer and closer to getting sent out on time. I think it shows some growth don't you? :)
Don't feel bad about being BFF's with your phone, if it makes you a better friend, keeps you in the loop, gives you some sense of 'not so alone-ness', then I say, stick with it! We moms need anything and everything we can get our hands on to stay connected, and to build each other up, and keep each other sane!
I'm gonna go run now, and yes, I'm going to post it on Facebook, because I like to applause. ;)