Thursday, July 21, 2011

My own worst demons

Sometimes, I get sad, for no real reason. It's called depression, it makes no sense, it has no preference for body types, or personality types, it just exists. Too bad for me, it lives in me. It is not easy to talk about, I can here, because pretty much anyone who reads this, gets it.
Today, and for a little while now, the voices are winning, they are winning in the weight loss fight, they are winning in the love fight, in the mommy fight, and yes, in the laundry fight.
It's very unfair, but, the only way to get back on one's feet, is never to let them knock you off your feet. (if you can help it) This round, isn't as bad as some, so I can stay on my feet, and walk, one step a day, a shower here, an outing there, it all helps me "be normal" and once in a while the voices get drowned by life.
**siiigh** that's all just had to write it down, another thing that helps me keep walking.

something I wrote a while ago, in my Dark months ...... (early spring sucks in my head) This is how I WAS feeling, not quite so dark today, but I think it's worth sharing, so no one feels alone.

"Standing still, and the world is spinning,
My muse is worried, but the darkness is grinning
I feel I'm not far from slipping down then slope
Getting back up is the work; having to ask for a rope

I wonder how long i can stay up here,
teetering over the cliff
Sometimes I crave it,
Usually I'm scared stiff

There are days when the Darkness is inviting
Like a blanket I want to get lost in
Other days it's like a dark scary closet
I keep it closed so the monster stays in
Hanging over the crevasse, feeling the depths below,
It's comforting today, all i need it to just let go...."