Meaningless rantings of a cabin fevered Mom.

So, if you are a person who notices things, you may have noticed that i haven’t changed my facebook cover photo in a year, which is odd for me, because I like to decorate EVERYWHERE for any occasion. The message on my cover photo came to me last Christmas season, in a time when I really needed it. I suffer, no, I FIGHT depression, and Anxiety. I choose not to say suffer, as I want people to know it’s a fight, not simply a burden. it affects me every day, in every corner, and 365 days ago, i was pretty deep in a hole. I didn’t believe in myself. I didn’t love myself, I didn’t see nearly as much worth in myself as those around me daily tried to convince me of. I got this message, and a challenge started in my brain, and I took some action, and put myself on a road of self discovery, and started to change the thinking processes I’ve held tightly for so many years. 365 days ago, i was barely holding on by a thread, I missed my dear friends who live so far away. I was feeling some ...

Yup, I admit it, I am one of those. One of those people who cannot put down my phone. I am one who needs to be told "it's not phone time now" or "we are doing real time here, face to face, no phone" I used to deny it, (sometimes I still do) I used to feel bad about it, (sometimes I still do), but you know what? Deep down, the real me, the rational me, says, 'Yup, thats me, and that's ok!" You want to know why? I am an introvert, through and through. I have anxiety and battle depression. It's part of who I am and knit into me, and I will be dealing with it my entire life. The Deal here is, find ways to live a meaningful life around all that. This is where my phone comes into play. I am not ant-social, I love hanging with my BFFs as much as the next guy, but I don't have that many really, I don't have a need to gather a whole gaggle of besties to surround me at all times, I like to have a few solids, that I can go to, no matter what...

This past Sunday, I stood in church. Our church is big church in a metro area, it's a multi-site church, and this past week was our first time in our new local building. A gigantic, new, multi-media, state-of-the-art, BIG building. As we stood, in awe of the industrial design, the new tech, the light-show, the number of people, the music, it was the music that brought me about, and took me to a far away place.   We sang and old hymn, one reason i love this church so, they respect the way we grew up, they respect "The old ways" and they dovetail it into this new age. Keeping the important messages and making them fresh and new, and helping us to see new things in the sometimes tired feeling tunes and words. On this day we sang "It is well with my soul", one of my all time favorite hymns. it was this song that took me on a trip.    I was suddenly in a smaller building, the basement, a dusty, echoing, wooden public hall. I am small, in a calico dress made by my t...